Hear her too

[ Dedo Ete ]


“Muje aapse ek baak pusni thi, aap gussa to nahi karogi na? (I wanted to ask you one thing – would not you get angry?)” This is the manner and ethics of a well-cultured general Indian woman asking her husband in a submissive, low voice whether he would be angry or not if she asks a question. The wife shows the highest level of respect, adoration and dignity for the husband while asking her husband. She seeks permission to ask her husband a question and wants to make sure whether he would mind or not.

Indian wives are so religious, allegiant, loyal and obedient to their husbands. Most of them do not even take the name of their husband as a mark of respect. Good or bad, happy or sad, the wives’ and children’s lives rest with the grace and wisdom of the husbands. It is the duty of the husband to protect the wife along with other family members.

Recently married brides renounce the love and comfort of paternal home on the very first day of the tearful farewell from the family, on the way to husband’s home – a new world, never seen or heard of before. She sacrifices everything for her husband. After moving into the in-laws’ home, she changes her surname and take her husband’s surname – not knowing what kind of destiny is written for her in the new home. She accepts the responsibility of household chores. She carries forward the legacy and genealogy of her husband.

In the rural areas, from dawn to midnight, women work tirelessly, like robots. They get up at the crack of dawn, when visibility is not beyond the caves; she tip-toes, sneaks out of the room to fetch water from the community water point. Back at home, she starts cooking for the family, keeps ready tiffins for the minors, and feeds the family members.

The life of a newlywed bride is like a passenger boarding a plane for flight. If her luck is good, the journey will have a good ending. But despite her good luck, if the pilots’ luck is bad, the journey is certainly not going to be a primrose path.


Never say shut up or chup karo

Never ever say ‘shut up’ or ‘chup karo’ when your wife speaks, no matter how justified your anger may be, because, most often, golden suggestions come from her. For a husband, there cannot be a better well-wisher than his own wife. Very often, the wife is not allowed to speak. Her suggestion is not heard. Disgruntled, she muffles her own voice. In a feeble voice, she rumbles “Am I not anybody to you? Am I not your wife? I have to live the remainder of my life with you. Why you cannot hear me?”

A few drops of tears trickle down her cheek.

For some time she feels completely shattered in frustration, although this feeling of frustration is only momentary. Even if she feels hurt, she holds back her anguish and sentiment, which is a general nature of women, as they think that it’s the moral duty of a wife to argue with her husband.

By the time the husband realises that her suggestions were absolutely right and good for the betterment of his family, it becomes too late. On many occasions, the husband has to pay the price of muffling her voice. Later, children become the ultimate sufferers. Women and children are psychologically and emotionally sensitive, frail and fragile. If they are very often asked to shut up their mouth and are not allowed to speak, in future they may not dare to speak even if they are in trouble, and if they speak, they may not speak the truth.

As long as a wife remains a wife, she will never misguide her husband deliberately. Subduing one’s wife’s voice and suggestions many a time ends with lifetime repentance, as if hounded by the nightmare of a frightening accident.

Married life is like a long journey by a ship. Sometime life is smooth sailing, sometimes sailing through merciless towering sea waves, accompanied by thunder and lightning, frequently encountering extreme heat and rain, sometimes coming across cold and stormy weather, often facing shortage of food and water. In real life, a wife is the only companion who accompanies the husband throughout life, despite many ups and downs, happiness and sorrows. A wife is like a passenger who never jumps off the ship, leaving the captain of the ship alone when ship sinks. (The writer can be reached at 9436270140.)