Monday Musing
[ Karyir Riba ]
If somebody were to ask you what the toughest job in the world is, many lines of work would pop up in your mind. But believe it or not, no tough job in this whole wide world can match the degree of toughness that comes with the full-time job called parenting.
I speak from firsthand experience as a mother of two, and also take the privilege to speak on behalf of the father of my children – parenting is hands down the toughest job humankind can ever experience.
Right from the very start, our bundles of joy have us wrapped around their little fingers. Then we get bullied and dictated for the rest of our lives by these sweet little monsters that we created and cannot imagine living without.
Sleepless nights, tired 24/7, countless hours of breastfeeding and nappy changes, and what not. If you have newly stepped into parenthood, you will know what I’m talking about. When a tiny human being is completely dependent on you for survival, you want to give your fullest and best, and the process can take a toll on your state.
Just when you think things are getting better, get ready to answer a million questions a day, because once those tiny humans learn how to talk, they are super curious and inquisitive. And mind you, you have to be very careful and provide them with facts when you are answering them. They have sharp minds and can absorb all the information given to them like a sponge.
Parenting comes with many different difficulty levels. And unfortunately, it does not come with a rule book. All sets of parents are needed to fend for themselves and tackle all hurdles in their own ways. Hence, we can say that there are as many different ways of parenting as there are parents in the world.
This one time when my firstborn had just started his junior KG, he used to tell us about another boy in his class who used to hit him. When this happened more than a lot of times, my husband and I contemplated whether to teach our son to fight back or to choose the Gandhi way. After a couple of days of discussions and weighing all the pros and cons, we came to a decision and told our son to hit back anybody who would hit him. Never be the first to hit, but if anyone hits you don’t hold back, we said. Our son must have followed our advice because we got no more complaints of him getting beaten by any of his mates.
Now, other parents might judge us for teaching our son to hit back, but it is what we felt was right to teach our son.
Many a time, parents have to be at the receiving end of their children’s unfulfilled wishes and fantasies too. Like the time when our younger son was very upset with his father, the reason being that his father had not yet built a time machine for him. I had a great laugh but my husband had to face the brunt of our little one’s tantrum. I had fun adding fuel to the fire by asking him what was taking him so long to build the time machine.
So you see, there are millions of such – and worse – situations parents are put through during child rearing. You must remember to work as a team and push through, or enjoy a harmless moment or two here and there at the cost of your spouse. The bottom line is to always work as a team when dealing with these little bullies.
If you thought this was it, I’m afraid you have underestimated parenting because nothing can ever get you fully prepared for parenting teenagers. To handle your teenager’s moods, while still dealing with your own, is no piece of cake. It is important at this phase to give full mental and emotional support to your teenagers for proper development, and for your own sanity and peace of mind too.
Our older son turned fourteen this month, so I speak with experience. The first thing my husband and I vowed on becoming parents of a teenager was to become a stronger team and to brace ourselves for the roller-coaster ride we were in for because if even one of us falters, we are done for. So far so good, touchwood!
Now, if we look from the other side, we may take a moment to question ourselves, if we have been good daughters and sons to our own parents? If we are being good daughters and sons to our parents? Well, if I have to speak for myself, I do realise that I must have given a fare share of headaches to my dear parents as a teenager. I sincerely hope karma doesn’t bite me back.
Well, having said all the above in both jest and in seriousness, let me add that parenthood is a unique experience for everyone. It is one of the most beautiful phases of life. Wonderful moments are created and emotions felt because of parenthood. We just need to make sure to impart the best habits, behaviour, thoughts and knowledge to our children. They see, they observe, they learn and replicate, so present them with the best atmosphere possible to grow and nurture in. See no need to impose on them, but support them and their interests. Understand that they are unique individuals with unique personalities, and given the space to grow, they will surely flourish as adults.
Before signing off, a big round of applause to all the wonderful parents around the world. Keep fighting!
