[ Nabanita Deshmukh ]
The shocking incident of a 12-year-old recently found dead in a Sainik School in Arunachal Pradesh is a wakeup call not only for the state government but also for school authorities, teachers, parents, peer groups and communities. Even though investigation is currently underway to probe whether the boy committed suicide or was murdered, troubling questions remain unanswered:
# Why was bullying not checked in the school?
# Could stricter monitoring of aggressive students by hostel wardens and teachers have averted the mishap?
# What kind of parenting push children into becoming bullies who lack empathy and kindness towards others?
# What impact does peer pressure have on children,especially on adolescents?
# What measure can be taken to make children stronger both physically and psychologically, so that they do not succumb to negative peer pressure and commit atrocities?
It will be useful first to analyse the bullying problem so prevalent in schools these days, and then come with suggestions on how to combat it.
Why do children bully?
Many neglected and abused children develop a tendency to abuse others and thereby feel important and powerful. Also, pampered children feel entitled to get the things they desire and when their needs are not met, they resort to bullying.
Bullies most often have low self-esteem and lack empathy, consideration and kindness for others. Many of them bully others to get their way. Aggressive bullying can often be traced to the way children were and are treated at home.
Most often bullies do not act alone but coerce and influence others to obey them and together as a gang, they harm their victims. Hurting others physically and emotionally gives bullies a false sense of popularity that is often a sad consequence of peer pressure.
Peer pressure
Peer pressure on adolescents can be both positive and negative, but here we will discuss only the latter. Adolescent students are especially prone to peer pressure as they are undergoing rapid physical and psychological changes and their vulnerability and search for identity at this stage makes them want to belong to a popular group and be accepted by others. It is therefore important for teachers, parents and guardians to monitor the type of company a young adult keeps. A lot of stupidities and even petty crimes are committed because of peer pressure and bullying is one of them.
Regular interactions with students need to be done by both teachers and parents to understand what they undergo as regards their relationships in and outside the school. Also, suggestions on how to cope with pressure, both academic and psychological, have to be given.
Ideally, a counsellor has to be appointed by the school to help children cope with different kinds of pressure, and if that is not possible, a few teachers could be given the responsibility to mentor and counsel students. At home, parents or members of the extended family could spend time with the school going kids to know the kind of pressures they undergo.
Parenting style
Parenting styles impact not only children’s academic performance but also their physical and psycho-emotional makeup. Parents play a very important role in their children’s lives and their contribution determines to a large extent the attitude of their offspring towards life in general.
Parents need to pay heed to the way they are bringing up their kids. Are they modelling good behaviour that emphasises empathy and kindness, or are they displaying aggressiveness and arrogance?
When a child demonstrates bad behaviour, are parents consistent in their disproval of it or do they tolerate thinking that ‘children will be children’? A strong message from parents on what is acceptable behaviour is extremely important for helping children grow into considerate adults.
‘Charity begins at home,’ goes the saying. Bullies are seldom born as bullies, they are indirectly or directly encouraged to have their own way and their bad behaviour is often overlooked.
Teachers and the school
Like parents, teachers have a role to guide, mentor and supervise students. Yet, sadly, many teachers feel that their role is just to teach. Teachers’ behaviour – their actions, attitude, speech and even silence – have an influence on students. An indifferent teacher will indirectly encourage aggressive behaviour as he or she does not have the interest or energy to mentor and guide the pupils.
Of course, one cannot blame teachers alone as many of them are overburdened with school-related work both inside and outside the classroom. A better system of school management needs to be brought in for mentoring and guiding students, not through lectures but by interactive means such as storytelling, films, debates, discussions, role plays etc.
Also, the school management cannot afford to be lax about issues such as ragging, bullying, sexual exploitation, corporal punishment, etc. Regular training in both academic non-academic subjects like mentoring, counselling and communication needs to be planned and arranged for all school staff.
Creating a safe environment
‘The Golden Triangle’ is an important concept of school management. It is an imaginary triangle made up of the school, the parents and the students. As long as all three sides of the triangle do not touch each other, children will continue to suffer, and so will parents and teachers, especially when uncomfortable issues such as bullying come to the fore. It is therefore in the interest of all caretakers -school (management and teachers) and parents – to create a safe and joyful atmosphere for students where communication, monitoring and interaction are given their due importance.
Furthermore, the government has an even more crucial role to play in the creation of safe havens for students, where there is zero tolerance towards bullying and other social ills.
Interestingly, in Northeast India, especially in Arunachal, communities play a crucial role in keeping people of a particular region, culture and ethos together. Therefore, communities also need to step in to help create and sustain an abuse-freesociety for children, irrespective of their financial situation and social status.
Finally, to end the article on a positive note, many students who were bullies earlier have ceased to be so, thanks to the support of their family, teachers, community members and government training programmes. So it is never too late to clean up the bullying act and make Arunachal a better place for children and young adults to study and live in an abuse-free environment without the looming threat of violence, humiliation and even death. (The contributor is a writer, a teacher-educator and a facilitator for the Billion Readers project in Arunachal.)
