[ Tongam Rina ]
In Arunachal, powerful men with what seems like an unending supply of money attract the attention not only of women but also of men. If they follow the philosophy of ‘If you have it, flaunt it’ on social media, they become social media stars. Imagine getting thousands hooked online by flaunting women and money. These rich individuals are followed by thousands, half with disdain, half wanting the good life, and half in amusement. Some may find the never-ending reels cringe-worthy, and some disturbing, but they are always social media fodder, especially those featuring men with multiple wives.
Recently, a married Cabinet minister hogged the social media limelight when he married again. A married, middle-aged powerful man and a much younger woman – this relationship was ridiculed, and the woman was put under scrutiny, as often happens.
One may argue that all this is personal, and that polygyny and polygamy are lifestyle choices. While polygyny may be a lifestyle in the Western world, in Arunachal, polygyny -one man married to more than one wife or multiple women- is a serious social issue. Many first wives are abandoned when men marry again, and many co-wives are either abandoned or trapped by their circumstances later in their lives. The concept of divorce is rare, because patriarchy leaves them with very few choices, so even women who have been abandoned are often forced to stay in these marriages.
There are many reasons for polygyny, but one definite cause is the lack of a male heir. Another reason is infertility, the inability to bear children. Even if husband is responsible for it, polygyny is the next acceptable step. There is a societal pressure to produce male children and the wide acceptance leads to polygyny in the name of tribal customary law, which is driven by patriarchy.
In many of these cases, left with no option, women bring another woman as co-wife. It’s usually a female relative or a household worker. But mostly, it’s the men who choose to go by the dictate of the society.
There are exceptions where families are content with female heirs, and sometimes we hear about families with half a dozen baby girls waiting for a son. These are brave individuals who withstand the shame and pressure of not having a male child. Not everyone stands up to this pressure, as it can be immense.
Education has barely managed to bring about any change in this regard, as polygyny continues to be widely adopted by men across generations with social sanction.
The Arunachal Pradesh Women’s Welfare Society (APWWS) has been one of the vocal organisations opposing polygyny. For almost five decades, polygyny has remained a persistent issue for the organisation, reflecting how widespread the practice is.
The APWWS has even called for a legislation to prohibit the practice. In its recent representation to the government, it wrote: “Since its inception in 1979, the Arunachal Pradesh Women’s Welfare Society has been unwavering in its commitment to eradicating polygamy and advocating the rights and welfare of tribal women and children. Despite our sustained efforts, the absence of robust legal provisions continues to pose a significant challenge in our pursuit of gender justice. Such a legislative measure is imperative to uphold the dignity, rights, and wellbeing of women in Arunachal Pradesh.”
The APWWS witnesses firsthand how women stuck in these marriages suffer. Many times, all the wives in a polygynous marriage aren’t financially secure, and even when they are, if something happens to the husband or he is no longer able to provide as he should, the consequences can be terrifying for everyone in the family.
In so many cases women , who are mostly the primary providers in Arunachal, are left to fend not only for themselves but also for their extended families, as multiple marriages bring additional burdens.
The APWWS deals with hundreds of such cases.
In all these cases, children suffer, and so do the wives, irrespective of which number they are. There are no winners, and it is patriarchy, which is emboldened by patriarchal men and women, that wins.
There may be exceptions where children do not suffer, but in most families, they do. Abandonment at any stage leads to lifelong psychological trauma and, in many cases, social isolation or going overboard to claim or reclaim the space that is due to them. Consequences either way can be traumatising.
In September 2023, MLA Ninong Ering, then with the Congress, proposed the ‘Arunachal Pradesh Monogamy Election Eligibility Bill, 2023’ during the Legislative Assembly session. The bill proposed that individuals with only one spouse should be eligible to run for elections. In the context of this bill, ‘one spouse’ referred to someone legally married to only one partner. However, the bill disappeared even before it was tabled. The details can be found here: An accepted social issue | The Arunachal Times.
The bill faced technical issues as it proposed an amendment to the Representation of People’s Act, 1951, which the state legislature is not empowered to make. It’s not difficult to conclude that the reason Ering’s proposal never came up for discussion is because many legislators have more than one wife. In the near future, too, there is little hope that it will be seriously considered, as many would face disqualification from politics at all levels if it were.
Not long ago, a former woman and child development minister had more than one wife. It must have been awkward for many women-based organisations to deal with a person who practices what they are opposed to.
Of the ten chief ministers, only three did not have multiple wives, though there are conflicting claims about one of the three.
Elected representatives don’t take such a social issue like polygyny seriously because societal acceptance is widespread. In a way, it saves many embarrassment as they should not be talking about women’s rights if they themselves follow the dictates of patriarchy and customary practices that govern many tribal ways of life, which is an impediment to women’s rights and empowerment.
Polygynous marriages are not restricted to tribals in Arunachal alone. Data from the National Family Health Survey, prepared in 2019-20, showed that the highest prevalence of polygynous marriages was in the northeastern states with tribal populations. Not surprisingly, 40 districts with the highest polygyny rates were dominated by those with high tribal populations.
Even among communities that did not widely practice polygyny, like the Adi and Apatani of the larger Tani tribe, communities falling under the larger Tangsa tribe, Noktes, Wanchos, and the Sherdukpens, it is no longer rare to have more than one wife.
We all know the problem, and unfortunately, there is no easy solution. The causes may hold some answers to this difficult social issue.
Often, along with emboldenment by patriarchy, public shame drives women into polygyny because it is seen as the only way to restore lost reputation. By the time a decision is made, it is often too late, and society is unforgiving to women. Like all social problems, women bear the brunt, and like all patriarchal society, it is expected that solution must come from the women themselves, though the issue itself is rooted in patriarchy and customary practices.
Time will determine how much effort society is willing to sacrifice in order to challenge the comfort of patriarchy and stand up to it.
For now, irrespective of class, education, privilege, or other social positions, women are both participants and victims of polygyny. The cause is often not discussed because patriarchal societies do not have space for meaningful conversations.
