[Karyir Riba]
This story is about an uncommon girl who went through a very common issue that is, sadly, hugely prevalent in our society.
She was sceptical at first when told about my wish to write about her, but readily gave permission when told that her story might motivate and inspire many girls like her. I shall respect her request to not be named, and henceforth will call her Pooja for the story.
She started by saying that if she had listened to her mother, she wouldn’t have suffered and gone through all the terrible things, but added that she is also happy with how her life currently is.
Pooja was 15-16 years old and was studying in Class 8 when she fell in love with her schoolmate, who was three years older than her. When her family objected to the relationship and advised her to pay attention to her studies, she eloped with her boyfriend and they got married.
She said she remembers very vividly that less than two months into the marriage, her husband started behaving violently towards her. What started with slaps turned into punches and kicks.
“He would pull my hair, throw me around, push me to the ground, kick me, hit me with sticks or whatever he could grab,” Pooja said.
This happened to her on a frequent basis, but she couldn’t go back to her mother’s place because of the shame she felt to face her family after defying their concern towards what she was doing with her life.
A year later Pooja found out she was pregnant. This made her hopeful that things would get better for her. She found out how wrong she was when the beatings did not stop, despite her being pregnant with their child. When the beatings continued even after the birth of her son – that’s when she decided it was too much and started hitting back. Their fights turned uglier every day. She also gathered some courage and left him and went to live with her mother.
Pooja lost her father very early in life and was brought up by her mother. She has an older sister and a younger brother. Much to her amazement, her family welcomed her back with open arms and supported her decision to leave her bad marriage behind.
“The first time I left him and went back to my mother, he came crying to me, begging me to come back to him. He was so conniving that, when I trusted his crocodile tears and went back to him, he would start his routine of violence again. I naively went back a few times for the sake of our son and our marriage. I drew the last straw when my son was two years old. I understood that this man wasn’t going to change, and if I did not take control of my life now, he would do the same things with my son. I would never want my son in that situation, so I left this man for good,” she said.
She said she did all kinds of work to support herself and her son, who turns eight this year. “I worked on farms, worked at construction sites as a daily labourer; I even crushed stones to turn them into chips for construction work. These were strenuous jobs, but at least I did not get beaten up and humiliated on a daily basis by someone who said he loved me,” she said.
Pooja said that it was the love and warmth that her mother, sister and brother provided her that gave her the strength to move on – and of course, her will to provide for her son. Finally, when her son was almost three, she landed herself a stable job.
“I am now comfortable and earn a decent amount to take care of my son and provide well for him. He goes to a private school and is growing up well. He is learning well,” she smiled while saying.
Her husband would still find ways to torment her. He would repeatedly threaten to take her son away. She did not budge from her decision to never go back to him, and with support from her family, was able to get rid of him for good.
“He doesn’t disturb me anymore now. I was told he has remarried. Doesn’t matter to me, I am better off without him,” she chuckled.
“No girl should put up with domestic violence. You might get killed while waiting for things to get better. Get out when you have the chance, and keep your sanity and self-respect intact. Most important is to get support. Families of girls going through such problems should provide support to their daughters/sisters. Your support will give her all the strength that she needs to get her life back,” she said.
This is the story of so many girls. The number of girls facing domestic violence is only increasing. What makes Pooja stand out is that she fought all odds to get out of the hell she was living in and to live a life that she deserves.
